By Your Spirit

It took a while for me to internalise this one. To realise what it means to not remain standing by might or power, but by spirit. His spirit. 

God let me hear you roar!

I AM the storm

Manna - Conversations of Hope

A mumbled conversation starting somewhere with Psalm 5 and continues...

Psalm 6: "...treat me nice for a change; I'm so starved for affection. Can't you see I'm black-and-blue, beat up badly in bones and soul? God, how long will it take for you to let up?...if you love me at all, get me out of here. I'm no good to you dead, am I?...I'm tired of all of this - so tired...my mattress is soaked, soggy with tears."

Psalm 7: "...wake up  God. My accusers have packed the courtroom; it's judgement time. Take your place on the bench, reach for your gravel, throw out the false charges against me. I'm ready, confident in your verdict: "Innocent". Close the book on evil, God, but publish your mandate for us."

Psalm 10: "...I dare to believe that the luckless will get lucky someday in you...The victim's faint pulse picks up; the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood as you put your ear to their lips...the reign of terror is over, the rule of the gang lords is ended."

Psalm 11: "...but God hasn't moved to the mountains; his holy address hasn't changed. He's in charge, as always....God's business is putting things right; he loves getting the lines straight, setting us straight. Once we're standing tall, we can look him straight in the eye."

And "in the dark streets where the homeless groans, God speaks". Psalm 12: "...I've had enough; I'm on my way to heal the ache in the heart of the wretched".

Psalm 13 David said: "Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble" and my biggest heart's desire to be able to say: "I'm so full of answered prayers". With him I feel: "night is coming for them, and nightmares, for God takes the side of victims. Do you think you can mess with the dreams of the poor? You can't, for God makes their dreams come true."

Psalm 18 speaks of your Justice as the Master Avenger and I dare to hope: "...but me he caught - reached all the way from sky to sea; he pulled me out of the ocean of hate, the enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved - surprised to be loved!"

Oh, how we ebb and flow:

Psalm 31: "...you God, I trust. But give me room to breathe...save me because you love me. Don't embarrass me by not showing up...what a stack of blessing you have piled up for those who worship you, ready and waiting for all who run to you to escape an unkind world. You hide them safely away from the opposition."

Ah... and I can go on and on and on - yearning for more conversations with you.

Psalm 35; 36; 40; 46; 55; 56; 57; 63; 85; 91; 92; 102; 103; 107...

David, you and I are birds of a feather...

God...flexing...

If you had to tell me this verse is in the Bible I would probably not have believed you until I saw it myself. I love it:

 

"...God has rolled up his sleeves.

All the nation can see His holy, muscled arm."

(Isaiah 52)

 

I love the image.

I love the meaning even more...

 



It's been a while

A year of silence speaking volumes about my state of mind. Barrels full of emotion that mixes and forms nothing but a dark mushy colour. I need to separate these to see the rainbow again.

 

I don't think all is bad.

I don't think I have changed for the worst or that I will ever give up.

 

But I can't take this thing I call my life and cover it with a mere coat of white paint to start all over again. The canvas is tainted. The edges are worn. I can't say that I am ready to begin again. At this point in time I do not think I will ever be. But being ready is a luxury of the naïve.

And at this point in time I can only hold on, quietly:

 

Isaiah 57 - A Message from the high and towering God, who lives in Eternity, whose name is Holy:“I live in the high and holy places, but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed, and what I do is put new spirit in them, get them up and on their feet again. For I’m not going to haul people into court endlessly... Otherwise, people would lose heart. These souls I created would tire out and give up."

 

Promises. Promises.

 

Show me.

Apparent contradictions

I sit and think of the man proclaiming that he is not religious, but who lives a life with a moral code. And on the other hand, the man that goes to bible study every week, yet steals, lies and cheats with a devious, conniving, septic heart.

There is only one Judge. And His actions are flawless. He creates, he saves, he corrects in love and He always leads.

I see God all around me. In the clouds, in the wind, in a seemingly secular television series…even in the man proclaiming that he is not religious. I see the words of a relationship scattered all over his life. And it is beautiful. Everything God creates is.

We are told that life is about sharing: experiences, life, beholdings, moments. Today I want to say thank you, God. Thank you for sharing with us: your creation, your beauty, your peace, your joy and above all, your love. Within you we become.

 

 

2 Chronicles 20:17

 

But you will not even need to fight.

Take your positions;

then stand still and watch the LORD's victory.

He is with you, O people of Judah and Jerusalem.

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

Go out against them tomorrow,

for the LORD is with you!"

Every day - Put on the Full Armor

Take up your sword. His Word will Reign.

 

 

A New Name

“To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna.

I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it,

known only to the one who receives it” - Revelation 2: 17

Psalm 94 - Lover of Justice

 

 

"Can Misrule have anything in common with you?

Can Troublemaker pretend to be on your side?

They ganged up on good people,

plotted behind the backs of the innocent.

But God become my hideout,

God was my high mountain retreat,

Then boomeranged their evil back on them:

for their evil ways he wiped them out,

our God cleaned them out for good."

Purified Soul

And as the troubles, like waves, keep on coming, You send me answers.
You send me word to keep me calm. To strengthen my faith...

2 Thessalonians 1 v 6, 7 & 11:
"God will do what is right.
He will give trouble to those who trouble you.
And he will give rest
to you who are troubled.

...God will help you do the good things you want
and perform the works that come from your faith."

Isaiah 48 v 10:

"I have made you pure,

but not by fire, a silver is made pure.

I have purified you by giving you troubles."

 

Worship is a War Song

Worship is a war song.

It’s acknowledging your power

Your strength

Your victorious grace.

 

Worship is a war song.

I find myself on my knees

Being quiet

Being calm in your embrace.

 

Worship is a war song.

Your chariot in the clouds

Your presence -  

carried on the wings of the wind.

 

Worship is a war song.

With thunderous drums

An angel choir worships with us -

Your Holy Ghost drifting on the melody.

 

Worship is a love song.

My grateful heart, ever-serving

With sword in hand, ever-praising

Victoriously resting in your truth.

Psalms of a grateful heart

So many of David's Psalms allow me to smile amidst all of this:

 

 

64 v 8 "Their own words will be used against them."

 

97 v 9 "You are the Lord Most High over all the earth

you are supreme over all gods."

 

97 v 10 "...The Lord watches over those who follow him

and frees them from the power of the wicked."

 

97 v 11 "Light shines on those who do right;

joy belongs to those who are honest."

 

98 v 2 "...He has shown the other nations his victory for his people."

 

 

99 v 4 "The King is powerful and loves justice.

Lord, you made things fair;

you have done what is fair and right

for the people of Jacob."

 

104 v 3 "...You make the clouds your chariot

and you ride on the wings of the wind."

 

112 v 4 "A light shines in the dark for honest people."

 

112 v 6&7 "...Good people will always be remembered

They won't be afraid of bad news;

their hearts are steady because

they trust the Lord."

 

43 v 3 "[God], SEND YOUR LIGHT AND TRUTH TO GUIDE ME."

 

 

 

Blessed be the Lord

 

A faithful fortress - My loving Father

Teaching me His ways.

A soul known for it's peace.

For that is the true mark of a warrior.

 

Zephaniah 3...

 

 

 

 

"...Your God is present among you,
    a strong Warrior there to save you.
Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love
    and delight you with his songs...

   You’ve carried those burdens long enough.
...I’ll get rid of all those who’ve made your life miserable."

 

 

Hold it...

I have this image in my head of that scene in Braveheart where Mel Gibson tells them to hold the line...hold it... hold it...

Which is funny cause I have never even seen the movie, but I feel their anticipation, I feel every single nerve in my body trying to hold me back, trying desperately not to leap forward and fight! Trying not to yell at the top of my lungs and catapult forward in a moment of intense readiness!

In my head a contradiction unfolds that will hopefully settle into the ultimate reality.

A warrior doesn't stand in the absence of fear ready to draw the sword in full protection of the armor.

A warrior doesn't glide on the surety of victory into a new day of peace.

 

A warrior is the one that stands up before an invincible army, against staggering odds, in the blistering sun when all is set and done... Ready to fight the fight. 

Esther

God, you have already slain the dragon. Forced the serpent to crawl around on his tummy. And although you are ever-loving, ever-patient and ever-merciful - you do not tolerate acts of the dragon against your children. You empower your own with the Holy Ghost and you bring victory - even before your return - which will bring the Ultimate Victory.

 

Your words in Esther proclaims:

 

“By these the king granted the Jews who were in every city to gather themselves together,

and to defend their lives,

to destroy, to slay, and to cause to perish,

all the forces of the people and province that would assault them,

their little ones and women,

and to take their possessions for a spoil…”

 

Psalm 109

I read through Psalms 107 and 109 and must admit that I found it comforting to hear David's plea for total destruction of his enemies in 109.

 

I struggle not to yell out loud: "Amen!!!"

 

But I find peace next to you. Knowing that you are love personified. That you are giving them time to turn to you. And I prayed for that myself.

 

I cannot predict the future.

Yet I stand here -

because as much as you are loving and kind -

you are just.

And these actions do not pass you by.

You hear your child.

And I hear you roar...

 

Rest

Genesis 15

"Don't be afraid....

I'm your shield.

Your reward will be grand!"

 

But Abram's words after this is what reminds me that we are all just human. Even Abram questioned God's words after receiving such a powerful promise from God. So like the father in Mark I beg: "God I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief."

 



Be still and know...

As this song came back from a moment's past -
it reminds me of The Greatest Love of all, in charge of everything.
I only need to be still and know...

My life is blessed in the palm of His Hand.

I Trust You My God

 

God, some days I cannot see this warrior that you are busy creating.

I only remember the flinching girl too afraid to speak up.

But I love you and your vision.

I love what you have started.

The passion is for sure within my soul.

 

God, I pray that in this fight your promise in Isaiah 54 verse 17 will reign on high.

I stand on your promise.

I stand in your name.

In victory.

Amidst the fight: a plea

I started writing this blog after my first major test. Since then I had to face 2 other major tests. The former of which I am ashamed to say had me on anti-depressants for 6 months. My faith was like the tides. Some days strong, some days I was barely moving. And now - we are in month 6. And test #4 is well on it's way. Bigger than any one before. Part of me gets angry and relies on:
 

 

2 Tim 4: 1

"I solemnly charge you in the presence of God

and of Christ Jesus,

who is to judge the living and the dead,

and by His appearing and His kingdom."

 

But I know that God is trying, begging these people to also do what is right. This is God's cause. His fight and his victory. I am honoured to be standing with Him on this battlefield. That He uses me and that I have His word of "peace in the land of my enemies".

 

So I will be still within my faith.

 

My Father, I beg of you to restore me.

To renew me.

And to give to me Your Peace.

Do not allow them to steel from your child.

1 Samuel 17 verse 45 - 47

David answered: 

“You come at me with sword and spear and battle-ax.

I come at you in the name of God-of-the-Angel-Armies...

 

 

...the God of Israel’s troops, whom you curse and mock. This very day God is handing you over to me. I’m about to kill you, cut off your head, and serve up your body and the bodies of your Philistine buddies to the crows and coyotes. The whole earth will know that there’s an extraordinary God in Israel. And everyone gathered here will learn that God doesn’t save by means of sword or spear.

The battle belongs to God

- he’s handing you to us on a platter!”

 

 

Isaiah 35 v 3-4

 

 

 

 

 

"Be strong, do not fear;

your God will come,

he will come with vengeance;

with divine retribution he will come to save you."

 

 

Zechariah 9 & 10

...I'll release you prisoners from their hopeless cells.

Come home, hope-filled prisoners!

This very day I'm declaring a double bonus -

everything you lost returned twice-over!"

 

"God-of-the-Angel-Armies will step in

and take care of his flock...

He'll revive their spirits,

make them proud to be on God's side."

 

"I know their pain and will make them good as new.

They'll get a fresh start, as if nothing had ever happened.

And why? Because I am their very own God,

I'll do what needs to be done for them." 

Sometimes, like during this test, I am that prisoner in a hopeless cell made up of natural laws, injustice and worldly bias. And then your spirit leads me to your eternal words. That, as if you needed to "prove" to us why we should be on your side, you make us proud to be with you! What a merciful Father you are... You know how small our faith can be and yet - it's one of our ways to please you. Our faith in you - in your goodness. You are the archetype for goodness, truth, trust and yes, vengeance...

You call us your nation. You are our "very own God" and in your wisdom and grace - you do what needs to be done for us...

Thank you Father.

I rest in your words. I rest in you.

 

 

 

 

Habakkuk 3

"Though the cherry trees don’t blossom
    and the strawberries don’t ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
    and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
    and the cattle barns empty,
I’m singing joyful praise to God.
    I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God’s Rule to prevail,
    I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
    I feel like I’m king of the mountain!"

 

 

The Ultimate Dreamer

I am the dream -

You are the dreamer God...

 

The colours of Your rainbow the mere start of your promise.

You are the Ultimate Dreamer,

and I - Your canvas...

 

In Your Presence

…and within that I realise that you cannot force purpose, you cannot force destiny. It’s written within the seams of our days – not all over them.

Seek God. Revel in his presence. Love, worship, serve and pray – and He will take care of the rest. He mixes in the meaning. It is not something we can conjure up or create on our own. He is ever-present and builds the puzzle with all our little 6x4 photos. And it’s within those seams that meaning unfolds.

There’s no need for us to try. We only need to seek Him.

So God, I am done with worrying and trying to figure out what my purpose is in life. Why You created me or what it is I am supposed to do from 9-5 every day. Sure, there are dreams and wishful thinking, but none can give me the peace and happiness that I get from Your presence…

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." Matthew 6 v 34

The Benefit of the Doubt

After 2013 (which is a story of its own) I have a hard time trusting people. It is a lot easier to shut people out and be rude and afterwards apologise than being polite and giving a person the benefit of the doubt. Especially strangers.

It’s been nine months since 2013 – it should be the birth of a new era. And I have decided to give people the benefit of the doubt. Not in all cases. If there is even an inkling of doubt with someone’s intentions I walk (run, actually!) away. But I have decided in the very least to give my co-workers and family the benefit of the doubt. To just “be nice” and assume that their intentions are good and that they are also nice. (It sounds strange to not even trust your loved ones, but doubt has a sickening way of infiltrating even our most basic relationships.)

And with that…the very harsh realisation that I have not been giving God the benefit of the doubt. I have been expecting the worst around every corner. I’ve had faith in His existence, but not in His Good Nature. If ANYONE is PURE and ONLY good it’s Him! Even more than my best attempt at being a Samaritan, His ACTS (not merely His intentions) are out of love for us and unquestionable. And He cares – right down to the last detail. He has proven it over and over and over again. Why do I still expect only the worst in every scenario?

I’m sorry God for not always giving you the benefit of the doubt.

You deserve more – You deserve my undivided faith.

 

 

 

“There is power in the name of Jesus…”

How powerful You must be, if the mere mention of your name carries power. You promised that a quiet yes is all You need from us. Your ear is always on the ground.

And like Job said: You yourself only need a mere whisper to tame sea monsters or crush sea serpents. You are in the gentle, quiet whisper on the mountain. Your great power so majestic that anything louder will literally blow us away.

And therefore: even when You talk to us, You whisper. It’s a quiet whisper within. But loud enough that our souls can echo Your purpose and if we get used to Your voice – like a child, we grow in security and the comfort of Your presence… Your voice is life.

 

 

Yes

“It’s impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him.” (Hebrews 11 v 6)

It’s that second part that got to me. Faith in His existence comes easily most days as I have been blessed to have been raised in a Christian home.  But James echoed that second part yet again:

“Say a quiet yes to God and He’ll be there in no time…”

(James 4 v 7-10)

“…that’s because God cares, cares right down to the last detail”

(James 5 v 11)

He said it.

He cares.
Who am I to question it?

So, I say yes.

My heart says yes.
My soul and my mind…

 

The Master Avenger

Sometimes we forget that you are at the front of this battle - that you have already won it. And although you are a God of love and peace, understanding, grace and acceptance - You are also a warrior. A warrior whose virtue is incomprehensible.
 

You will fight for the weary.

 Uplift the broken.
Cover the beaten and avenge the abused.

You are a lion, roaring – the hurt of this world affects you deeply!

You do not just sit by and watch. Your word proclaims: “The groans of the workers used and abused are a roar in the ears of the Master Avenger” (James 5, Message translation)