The Western Time Traveller

This was the very first DREAM that felt like more than a dream to me…

I remember reading a few days earlier that a person cannot remember the beginning of a dream. It always starts somewhere “midstream”. You find yourself somewhere with no recollection of how you got there. But this “dream” had a very significant start: -

A man was sitting in a car driving in outer space and his car was speaking to him: reading out the reminders he programmed earlier on. The car paused for a while and said: “remember it’s “so and so’s” birthday today. (I can’t remember the name)… The man looked visibly distraught and at that moment I realised that it was HIS birthday. But why would he program the car to remember his own birthday?

And then it unfolds…

He had killed himself 9 year ago… he wanted to kill off his bad self and become a better person. And his birthday was his way of never forgetting where he was coming from and who he was. Remembering his past and what is driving him to be this better person.

At that point in time the theme song from the show started and it tells you his story. How he killed himself and travelled back in time and now finds himself in the Wild West, helping all people, being a good sheriff… I remember at the time I was thinking: wow, I wish I could do what he did…

And then the chorus hit me:  “but if he only knew… if he only realised that Jesus had already died for his sins. He was forgiven and perfectly accepted by God the way he was 9 years ago. He was always perfectly loved… all of this was in vain….

When I woke up I could still sing the song… it was lingering and catchy; and it hit home.

Every Day

[Chorus] Every day a little stronger

Pushing up against a wall of fear

Learning my path was not to end here

You have spoken and Your calling is clear…

 

[Verse 1] Day-by-day you lead us with Your gentle Hand

Into a future shaped to glorify

Although my body’s but a handful o’ sand

Your armour renders me unshakable.

 

[Verse 2] So we can fight this fight, already won

Side-by-side with guidance from Your Son

Your Spirit in us lights the truthful way

And in this vict’ry we proclaim…

 

 [Chorus] Every day a little stronger

Pushing up against a wall of fear

Learning my path was not to end here

You have spoken and Your calling is clear…

 

[Bridge] For doubt like whirlwinds tries to cloud my mind

But we don’t need to see to fight this fight

I close my eyes and see Your Glorious Light

You’re all around me and I realise…

 

[Chorus] Every day a little stronger

Pushing up against a wall of fear

Learning my path was not to end here

You have spoken and Your calling is clear…

The Mirror

On my way back from class one Monday evening I was praying to God and stubbornly told Him that I NEEDED Him to lead the way. I was NOT going to move until He tells me to! I needed to know His Will…

 

I looked up and in my mind’s eye I could see Him standing in front of me, holding up a mirror. I started jumping frantically to try and get around the mirror so that I could get to Him! At least He was there again but just out of reach! I couldn’t get over the mirror!

 

Out of sheer exhaustion I stopped and looked up – seeing myself in the mirror…

 

At the time I thought that He was trying to tell me that I had to rely on myself. That I had to trust myself and follow my heart.

 

It was only months later… when I was listening to another sermon that I realised that during this image God was telling me that He was already within me. I didn’t have to rely on myself. I could rely on His Spirit, within me.

A Shooting Star

The first time I really remember God’s unequivocated presence was driving home from a weekend visit at my mom’s. I was crying in the car: partly because I didn’t want to go back to work (I was still working at the dreadful Nazi camp) and I asked God to help me, but I also realised that I was so sinful that I didn’t have any grounds to stand on, or ask for His help. There was no way that I deserved it and I told Him how sorry I was.

I was still wrapped up in my thoughts when I saw the most incredibly bright shooting star right across the full length of my front window. And with that, in the moment, I felt the words “you’re forgiven”. If the tears before weren’t enough, I started sobbing again, but this time out of relief and the most sincere amount of gratitude… To this day I sometimes wish for another shooting star… just a sign from Him… (although sometimes I can hear Him say not to focus on the past. His signs are still with me every day... just in different forms)

The Waiting Room

This isn’t right. This was not how it was supposed to happen…

I just died.

I was a great distance away from earth, and yet I was still very much aware of everything that was going on down here. A severe sense of disappointment and sadness came over me as I watched my family and loved ones still on earth. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. I still wanted to be with them. I wasn’t supposed to go so quickly. I can tell you that I was murdered. Probably shot or stabbed, but I can’t remember by whom or why. All I remember is that I put up a fight. The body I left behind probably doesn’t look very good right about now.

As I turn to my left I saw a room (for the sheer lack of a better word)…. It was more of an open piece of land the size of a very normal room. And as I stepped over the wooden threshold into this room I could feel the cool earth beneath my feet. It was like stepping into another zone. Although I still had all of my memories; and I could remember exactly what happened during my time here on earth, there was at this very instant no more emotions. I didn’t feel sad anymore. I didn’t feel disappointment, nor did I feel a longing to go back or see anybody. It’s like the room was void of any connection with earth. I only brought with me my memories of a life lived on earth.

As I stepped forward a man was talking to a bunch of people sitting in what looked like a jury bench, although the wood that it was made of was still very raw. It wasn’t varnished and it still looked very natural…very….earthy…

The man turned around and I recognized him. Jesus! What a moment! Looking back I should have ran! I should have made an entrance or at the very least bowed or something… but He just smiled and walked away. The moment was so unceremonious. No blinding angels singing, no bright light or unbelievably white clothes. Just a man with dark shoulder-length hair and a face that you won't notice at first if you were to meet Him in a crowd. Although once you've seen Him, He would draw you in and captivate every part of you in a way that you can't describe. And as He walked passed I could sense the moment: you’re here now…

That was as much of the contact I had with the Son of Earth’s Creator. Why didn’t I ask Him all those gazillion questions I’ve always had? Why didn’t I just run into His arms? He was so close. So…approachable… but it didn’t matter anymore. None of those questions mattered. Earth’s issues weren’t issues in here. In fact, there were no issues in here.

I walked over to the bench of people and sat down on the cool earth. Lizl was there with me. I turned and spoke to her: “It’s interesting to me how modern they are all dressed. I would have expected more of an old fashioned attire. Almost like an outfit that Noah would wear.” Without it being said, I just knew that these people never made it to earth. I assumed that they were all stillborn babies or victims of abortions.

“Excuse me...” I turned to the people sitting on the benches. One of the ladies, dressed in a very neat maroon outfit was looking at me. I noticed the string of pearls around her neck and then she asked me: “What do you mean with those words: modern and old fashioned?”

It suddenly dawned on me that these people had no concept of earth or what things are like down there. She seemed curiously fascinated by the idea of these different concepts and Lizl and I started to explain to them that on earth people were being classed in different groups on the basis of their social-economic status. That clothing has changed so many times over the years that you could distinguish a timeline by the clothes people wore.

The lady was intrigued! Although all the judgment and classification that went hand-in-hand with being classed on earth was not one of humanity’s best moments, she was drinking up everything we said, as if we spoke about a mystical land far away were dreams could come true. I realized that she (that all of these people sitting here) felt cheated out of life. They were all destined to be on earth too… but something happened…

And although they had the privilege of speaking face-to-face with Jesus from time to time, they still wished that they too – had been here on earth. Even if it was just for a few years…

True to the word a waiting room is nothing more than a place where you wait. Sometimes it’s filled with anxiety, fear or anticipation. But not this room. This room was free from all earthly emotions. It was not a doctor’s waiting room where you sat with sweaty palms, waiting to hear the results of your tests or a chair outside of the Principal’s office where you had to give account of the day’s fight in the lunch room.

Lizl and I went on and told them about Jesus’ time on earth. How He surprised everybody by coming down as a commoner when everybody was expecting a rich King whose mere birth would be announced by huge celebration and a royal decree. We went on to describe His life on earth, how He reached people, changed people and performed miracles.

This room was filled with so much calmness. No sense of a pressing need or deadlines. No hunger, no cold and no need for additional, unnatural light. It was early evening. The sun was about to set. It was the end of another day.

 ….and, like in the movies, the camera zoomed out of the scene and everything was exactly how it was supposed to be….